Despicable Me (Cont.)

I had again the feelings of becoming insane. LOL 😀 What with this earth? Maybe it’s because I don’t spend time to God for this past few weeks and my faith on everything is decreasing. I don’t even know to myself. Jeez, even I don’t know what I should do with this. (Happenings in my environment, in my life). This is really stupid. I started to love that person but my love is fading and now, the words which are formed inside my head is to STOP this strange feelings. This is really not a good idea and sticking more to this, I’m just letting myself getting used to it.

Last night, I was drunk. Slightly tipsy and exhausted from the party of my friend somewhere. It was a house party actually. It wasn’t hard for me to go travel since we have our own auto at that night. What just makes me worried were the happenings from that party. Wherein your crush is kissing another special someone, crying all over to those friend zone scenarios and having an affair with someone who is not good idea because of the differences in both of your personalities.

I don’t know what comes to my mind and I still go with that special someone last night then brought that person to our house, introduced to my parents and slept here for just one night. Well when it comes to my classmates, that’s fine but with this, Jeez, what’s wrong with me? I don’t even really like that person after all. Maybe just for experimenting, testing and anything. LOL 😀 It’s the feeling on which, that person was drunk too and that person don’t want to remove the hands on your waist and keeps hugging you then telling you, that person loves you so much and you’ll be only owned by that person. (Strange – Obsessed. I hope you get what I mean by this statement). I’m a flirt type of person and I admit that to myself but with this, I really don’t know. LOL 😀 This is insane, stupid and freaking relationship you could ever imagined.

Somewhat still sweet but, will you ever imagined spending the night with that person? It might be good if you really like and love that person but if you don’t have any feelings and you can’t say it right away in front of that person, still I don’t know. It’s hard if I’m going to share this with my parents, they will really and will never understand so I just type it all here in this blog to remove that strange feelings which keeps me anxious inside. (Point to the mind, then down to heart).

Earlier this morning, my mom knew what happened. Not the hugging and thrilling point consequences, but that I brought that special person here inside our house. My parents were just worried that, what if that person was member of a gang, and all what we had done last night were just part of the plan and it’s a trap. Afterwards, they’re not just a gang but also a burglar. LOL 😀 My parents really had those so futuristic strange of minds visions but still that’s also good to think and to analyze that what if that was really true since I don’t usually do hang outs with that person I’ve been sharing in this blog post.

What I really want now is to have some peace of mind. I don’t really want to stress myself thinking about this stupid stuffs that’s why instead keep them all in my mind, I share it. Just to release my temper inside and nothing more. It might sound unfair for those persons I add here to my blog post, but this feeling really makes me sick. I don’t really want to feel this at the first place that’s why I’m just playing around with those relationships I had but if this could be the karma they used to say, I’m really sorry. I just don’t handle these things for good and better for now because I don’t even know where to see myself on those kind of relationship.

Despicable Me

How’s everyone? How’s your vacation? It’s been a while since I haven’t got a chance to create new blog post here. Getting busy on my other blog site which are all about hacking. It’s part of my subject requirements. Anyway, what I usually post here are all my dramas in life. LOL 😀 I just want to separate it since those topics I posted there are different from this blog site.

Becoming busy on my other school subjects, I also experienced to be in a multitasking relationship. Do you know what I mean with this? Well, this is something really hard for me to explain, that uncertain feelings. I’m not a serious type of person when it comes to relationship because I limit myself in some consequences I might encountered in the end and I also prioritize first my career and my goals in life. That’s why when I have a companion, I don’t focus about our relationship, instead I will still try to look for another. Of course this is stupid because what if that person is loyal to you then you’re just this type of person called a heart breaker. I don’t want to be like that actually but I don’t know to myself, it’s still hard for me to stick only to one person in terms of that.

This incident happened two months ago, I started to get to know this person (just forget about the real name) well. This person is really interesting so I tried to call that person even at night and late hours. That person really feels like I’m interested and really have that feelings to offer but that person didn’t realize I’m just experimenting that what if we become more than friends in just a few weeks of getting to know each other. For some few days, doing those same things over and over, I had this realization that I don’t really want to hurt other feelings because what if I’m on that place and someone is just testing and fooling me around, obviously you will feel hurt too. So I just stop having conversation with that person but there are times, I still missed doing those things (I don’t know if it’s because I’m already used to it). Again, I started to court that person again and ask for forgiveness. I didn’t realize that person still accepted me despite of doing those silly stuffs. There I felt like, I also have that inexplicable feelings that I think, I loved that person better than before. We became closed again, until it goes back to the endless discussion, stupid conversations, arguments that never stops and reasons which were never really true at all. So after that, we just decided not to have any communications, blocked each other in social media sites and become strangers.

I know this is for the better and to stop the lies and face the truth that I just used that person where there is love but still falls as a game. Right now, I can’t find someone like that person. Yeah that person already had those personalities I have looked for but I just wasted it and never become to be as a loyal partner. Now that person, maybe, already replaced me who’s someone deserving, I must not let myself think about that person too much. I really don’t know to myself, it’s not that I still can’t move on, I just missed being with that person and all those moments we shared.

While sharing this, I also hate my internet connection. LOL 😀 already connected then later will become limited. I still need to go upstairs again then fix my Wi-Fi. Well, maybe someone was there and wants me to go to sleep already since it’s already 2:57 in the morning. We’ll have swimming also later somewhere and I’m still not asleep at this time. If ever my mom is here inside my room, for sure she will scold me again and yell at me that I need to go to sleep and stop accessing anything here in my laptop. Nah those parents. Jeez, they will really make you sick but of course, stressing too much for something will also make you sick. I just really want to release my emotional feeling inside. If I will not do this, until tomorrow, I’m still thinking about those things and remember those mistakes I’ve done with that person. I still need to find myself somewhere. Since we will have swimming, maybe on that place, I can find my peace of mind and start to set up things in life. LOL 😀 so dramatic. Anyway, until here. I know you’re getting bored with all of my dramas. Enjoy your day. Just keep in mind, I still have that heart that can be change and be more serious someday.