Despicable Me

How’s everyone? How’s your vacation? It’s been a while since I haven’t got a chance to create new blog post here. Getting busy on my other blog site which are all about hacking. It’s part of my subject requirements. Anyway, what I usually post here are all my dramas in life. LOL 😀 I just want to separate it since those topics I posted there are different from this blog site.

Becoming busy on my other school subjects, I also experienced to be in a multitasking relationship. Do you know what I mean with this? Well, this is something really hard for me to explain, that uncertain feelings. I’m not a serious type of person when it comes to relationship because I limit myself in some consequences I might encountered in the end and I also prioritize first my career and my goals in life. That’s why when I have a companion, I don’t focus about our relationship, instead I will still try to look for another. Of course this is stupid because what if that person is loyal to you then you’re just this type of person called a heart breaker. I don’t want to be like that actually but I don’t know to myself, it’s still hard for me to stick only to one person in terms of that.

This incident happened two months ago, I started to get to know this person (just forget about the real name) well. This person is really interesting so I tried to call that person even at night and late hours. That person really feels like I’m interested and really have that feelings to offer but that person didn’t realize I’m just experimenting that what if we become more than friends in just a few weeks of getting to know each other. For some few days, doing those same things over and over, I had this realization that I don’t really want to hurt other feelings because what if I’m on that place and someone is just testing and fooling me around, obviously you will feel hurt too. So I just stop having conversation with that person but there are times, I still missed doing those things (I don’t know if it’s because I’m already used to it). Again, I started to court that person again and ask for forgiveness. I didn’t realize that person still accepted me despite of doing those silly stuffs. There I felt like, I also have that inexplicable feelings that I think, I loved that person better than before. We became closed again, until it goes back to the endless discussion, stupid conversations, arguments that never stops and reasons which were never really true at all. So after that, we just decided not to have any communications, blocked each other in social media sites and become strangers.

I know this is for the better and to stop the lies and face the truth that I just used that person where there is love but still falls as a game. Right now, I can’t find someone like that person. Yeah that person already had those personalities I have looked for but I just wasted it and never become to be as a loyal partner. Now that person, maybe, already replaced me who’s someone deserving, I must not let myself think about that person too much. I really don’t know to myself, it’s not that I still can’t move on, I just missed being with that person and all those moments we shared.

While sharing this, I also hate my internet connection. LOL 😀 already connected then later will become limited. I still need to go upstairs again then fix my Wi-Fi. Well, maybe someone was there and wants me to go to sleep already since it’s already 2:57 in the morning. We’ll have swimming also later somewhere and I’m still not asleep at this time. If ever my mom is here inside my room, for sure she will scold me again and yell at me that I need to go to sleep and stop accessing anything here in my laptop. Nah those parents. Jeez, they will really make you sick but of course, stressing too much for something will also make you sick. I just really want to release my emotional feeling inside. If I will not do this, until tomorrow, I’m still thinking about those things and remember those mistakes I’ve done with that person. I still need to find myself somewhere. Since we will have swimming, maybe on that place, I can find my peace of mind and start to set up things in life. LOL 😀 so dramatic. Anyway, until here. I know you’re getting bored with all of my dramas. Enjoy your day. Just keep in mind, I still have that heart that can be change and be more serious someday.


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