Flow

Part 1: How it all started

I was in a rush that day. There’s an event in the office and each team had a theme need to re-create. Our assigned tasked was to make a formation in Star Wars theme. Props and other star wars stuff was on my line, and since the program will start in the morning, I need to be in the office at least before our team will present. I have load of things to bring and I don’t think I can bring it while commuting so I decided to look for carpooling instead. Luckily, it was not that traffic either so the driver came as early as I expected and I’ll be sharing a ride with someone on that day. I don’t want to seat beside the driver since I have lot of stuff to bring and I’m lazy to put seatbelt, so I asked the person whom I’ll be sharing ride if I can just sit beside her. She approved so I seated there right away. I talked to her, saying I’m late and just asked her where is her drop off, good that she’ll be in the near office I’ll be going to. Then I never thought I will get along having conversation with her. Until she was there at her drop off point, and that’s not where we just stop, I had her number so we can still communicate.

 

Part 2: Lunch

I may describe her as friendly, movie goer and a party-type. I ‘m with my officemates that time, we had short meeting at the other building and since we ended our meeting during lunch time, we decided to go for lunch out. I remembered I still have my share ride number, I asked if she’ll be having lunch too and where will they eat. She replied instantly, so me with my officemates decided to went there. I shared to them my story on which I had a share ride with someone and I want them to meet her too. They don’t even hesitate and get along. So as we go in lane and went to our table, were only 2 seats away from her and with her friends. I want to talk to her again personally but it seems were both busy eating at that time. So I messaged her again if we can have dessert instead. My officemates and her companions that day agreed so we went to the nearest convenience store. There, I had the chance to talked to her and asked if we can still share ride after work. She accepted so where together sharing ride from morning to after work.

 

Part 3: Getting to know

It maybe sounds strange but after that day we met, I started to like her. I added her on her social media sites, and became friends with her. We exchange messages and talk sometime. Though I never mention I’m in relationship at that time. Maybe because of my actions toward her, she started to asked lot. I said I just broke up with someone and that’s where I know to myself I’m just making up stories because I’m afraid she might not contact me right away. I did not take consideration of my relationship I have before knowing her. There were confusions and mistakes I’ve done. I went through to some realization and point of view that if I want to take my feelings to another level, I should only choose one. It’s was quite painful on which you’ll choose whom you’ve known for long time or on someone you’ve just met randomly unexpected. I take considered what my ex said to me when we broke up, that I might be needy so I decided to choose who’s near.

 

Part 4: Us

It’s been months already, when I started to court the one I’m sharing ride with and said yes. She’s more caring and understanding as I expected. She even never fails to excite me on her surprises. Apart that she’s clingy I guess I’m becoming that person too. I welcomed her to my family, and I don’t know where this will lead us. She knows that I’m easy to get bored in relationship, she even get mad if I’m pushing her away. There’s part of me that when it get serious, I back out. Though she changes me in a way not to think negatively even she have lot of random thoughts sometime. I wonder maybe it’s because of me being bipolar. But whatever this may go through, I’ll be always thankful knowing and having her on my weakest and happy moments.

Ingenuities

I’ve been having lot of imaginations now and I can’t stop thinking about it. I guess I just need to blog another post for this.

How everyone Christmas? Another year to remember and celebrate. Another year of hope and surprises. Hoping for another cool stuff and memories to collect. At this moment, I’m just preparing myself for the upcoming examination I will have next year (2014). I’m having a hard time copying and transferring files since they are all really consumed lot in time. But then, I just need some patience for me to practice those applications and remember some pointers needed that might be question in the exam.

There are a lot of stories happened to me this 2013. I can’t really tell them all since some are my personal matter and need some privacy. Just want to share some 🙂

It’s cool actually to have somewhat called “partner” in life. Someone you can called, “companion, special person or anything you want”. I enjoyed being part of a relationship. Aside from the fact of those relationship when it comes to parents and religion. A relationship in a love thing side. And that would be one of those things I imagined now. I don’t like to be serious when it comes to those kind of affection but this one is different. I went through a relationship of a different sexual preferences or orientation. I never thought on myself that I would be part of this scenario but then again, who would have thought that I also felt and asked myself, “what if I’m also like them?” HAHA another crazy bungling stuff running through my mind.

There are times I really can’t resist myself but keeps on having conversation with that person. I already said, I’m not serious but just another few days realizing I really missed that person much, I will go back again on my same routine and started to have another discussion for longer hours even its last until morning. I just can’t figure out even on myself, why that person still accept me all my flaws and everything about me. Maybe because I gave that person a motivation before that I want a serious relationship and doing some good acts but after all letting that person fall in love seriously, I will change my mind after and do broke up things. Guilty and conscience do come to me right after doing those things. I can’t say I’m narcissist and just concerned about my inner state of mind more but of course, that person also have feelings that needs to respect and understand. I felt I’m just the one fooling myself around. Doing lies to that person too much. Saying I love you might not worked now with this but now, I still don’t know what to think about because the worst things about this, is that, I’m also fallen in love with that person. HAHA I tried to control it into myself to avoid conflicts and misunderstandings but when I do think of that person and that person presence passed by on my mind, I started to miss that person more. This is really bad actually. A bad imagination that need to be stop. I can’t focus more on what I really want to do. HAHA crazy me who started all this stuff. We don’t know if that person might read this blog post of mine but whatever happened now, that person still will remain important into my life. HAHA silly me who still keeps on thinking about this even though there are a lot of reasons need to forget and move on for the meantime. I just don’t know why having a relationship with those different preferences become vital to me. It’s not that I’m against on it since I had seen lot of this things before and my friends also share their stories when it comes to dealing with it, it’s just that, you can feel that importance and what you can’t find on mostly regular opposite relationship.

On the other side, I just make myself happy not thinking about that person too much. That person deserves more than what I can offer (love, happiness, memories and affection). I just need to move on and start to focus more on what I really want since this is just part of those tryout I just want to experience when being in this kind of relationship in life.