I’ve been having lot of imaginations now and I can’t stop thinking about it. I guess I just need to blog another post for this.
How everyone Christmas? Another year to remember and celebrate. Another year of hope and surprises. Hoping for another cool stuff and memories to collect. At this moment, I’m just preparing myself for the upcoming examination I will have next year (2014). I’m having a hard time copying and transferring files since they are all really consumed lot in time. But then, I just need some patience for me to practice those applications and remember some pointers needed that might be question in the exam.
There are a lot of stories happened to me this 2013. I can’t really tell them all since some are my personal matter and need some privacy. Just want to share some 🙂
It’s cool actually to have somewhat called “partner” in life. Someone you can called, “companion, special person or anything you want”. I enjoyed being part of a relationship. Aside from the fact of those relationship when it comes to parents and religion. A relationship in a love thing side. And that would be one of those things I imagined now. I don’t like to be serious when it comes to those kind of affection but this one is different. I went through a relationship of a different sexual preferences or orientation. I never thought on myself that I would be part of this scenario but then again, who would have thought that I also felt and asked myself, “what if I’m also like them?” HAHA another crazy bungling stuff running through my mind.
There are times I really can’t resist myself but keeps on having conversation with that person. I already said, I’m not serious but just another few days realizing I really missed that person much, I will go back again on my same routine and started to have another discussion for longer hours even its last until morning. I just can’t figure out even on myself, why that person still accept me all my flaws and everything about me. Maybe because I gave that person a motivation before that I want a serious relationship and doing some good acts but after all letting that person fall in love seriously, I will change my mind after and do broke up things. Guilty and conscience do come to me right after doing those things. I can’t say I’m narcissist and just concerned about my inner state of mind more but of course, that person also have feelings that needs to respect and understand. I felt I’m just the one fooling myself around. Doing lies to that person too much. Saying I love you might not worked now with this but now, I still don’t know what to think about because the worst things about this, is that, I’m also fallen in love with that person. HAHA I tried to control it into myself to avoid conflicts and misunderstandings but when I do think of that person and that person presence passed by on my mind, I started to miss that person more. This is really bad actually. A bad imagination that need to be stop. I can’t focus more on what I really want to do. HAHA crazy me who started all this stuff. We don’t know if that person might read this blog post of mine but whatever happened now, that person still will remain important into my life. HAHA silly me who still keeps on thinking about this even though there are a lot of reasons need to forget and move on for the meantime. I just don’t know why having a relationship with those different preferences become vital to me. It’s not that I’m against on it since I had seen lot of this things before and my friends also share their stories when it comes to dealing with it, it’s just that, you can feel that importance and what you can’t find on mostly regular opposite relationship.
On the other side, I just make myself happy not thinking about that person too much. That person deserves more than what I can offer (love, happiness, memories and affection). I just need to move on and start to focus more on what I really want since this is just part of those tryout I just want to experience when being in this kind of relationship in life.