Well I’m trying to do things different once again. I hate that these mutual feelings will take my whole emotions. I can’t stop the moment on which I want to forget and ignore. This is not the first I felt it. Yeah of course this was happened already but a long – long time ago ha-ha not so long but just in my previous high school days. I became busy so I just forget how that stupid thing really catches my attention, until I didn’t remember anything after that weird break-ups and communications. Now there is something strikes me again. I don’t know why am I doing this and acting like this but yeah I can’t blame myself on what is the truth so I just continued to stop all those stuff but when I remember it ahhhh! I feel like its killing me inside. I know there were sometimes that I really don’t know what I want in my life but I’m already in stage of need to be serious and act independently but I’m still confused.
There are some things I don’t know how to solve and understand but I’m still trying my best to know the best solutions on that problem. Solutions which are not something out of this world but solutions that can really help me lot to build my state of mind on what I really need and want. For now, I just want to fix everything what I have lost. I cried for some time because of those unexplainable relationships but I’m not that serious on those love affairs. Ha-ha I didn’t went serious on all of my past relationships but I feel love in some other ways.
I didn’t have the chance to do things seriously since this scenario came. I got a problem in my studies, do tasks late and questionable. I told myself that I need to go back to my old lifestyle. Ha-ha yeah this one is new. I don’t know if this is because of the reality and the environment that surrounds my state but I know this is just me who think lot and do crazy stuff.
I tried to hide all of these but when I woke up, I still feel the pain and those problems that stuck in my head. I tried to tell this to some of my companions but they’re just listened and gave answers which was far from what I really said to them. Maybe it’s because they don’t want me to think other impossible solutions for this so they just asked me stop those imaginations that just stuck in my mind. Ha-ha I know they’re right. But I still don’t know WHY? So I just go to another plan and post it here in my blog. I don’t feel like sharing my problem to everyone worldwide but I just want to release the emotions I have inside. I’m not feeling well to tell you frankly. Ha-ha not feeling well because of illness but because of these sick feelings about my emotions. I feel like I’m dying inside thinking of this every time.
I have fears and that were some cases that let me think unconditionally. I don’t even know how and why it’s hard for me to move on. Maybe that’s the reason why am I doing this. Ha-ha crazy me if that’s what you can say. You’re in love to someone who is already committed to someone, in love to someone but you’re not really meant to, love someone who is far from you and someone who loves you but it’s hard for you to love them back. Ahhhh! What’s the meaning of this? I know LOVE is really stupid sometimes and why is LOVE is in the top of my priorities? I love GOD so much that’s why I control everything which I know it will just put me in sufferings but this past few weeks of getting to know that person I didn’t imagine that this will let me feel loving someone whom should not be mine after all.